I have to say, when I heard about Sam going to Hawaii, I was a bit miffed. Way to go and pick a wonderfully beautiful paradise that I can’t afford a plane ticket to Sam. Way. To. Go. But hey, can’t say I blame Sam. If I could go to Hawaii for work, I would do it. In a heartbeat. Hell, I’d ask for a month long residency.

But I digress.

As of today, I now have concerns.

You see, I decided to be the best fangirl I could possibly be and tried to find the link to buy tickets to the Honolulu show since they go on sale today. I wanted to tweet it out there for all you lucky people that can actually make it in hopes that you will be so appreciative of my kind generosity that you buy me a ticket to fly out there. Or at least send me a lei. Everyone likes a good lei.

So where do I go to find said ticket link? My trusty Google search bar. And the first video result for “The Venue Honolulu” is this:

Um, Sam. Let’s talk for a minute.

I get that you love the ladies as obvious by the babes you always seem to be touring with (Brooke Fraser, Holly Conlan and now Jenny Owen Youngs). I don’t blame you. I do my best to surround myself with hot guys as well. Like this.

But inquiring minds want to know… are you playing in a strip club? Like, will ladies be sliding up and down poles while you sing “Woman You Crazy”? Or maybe Mark will show us all what he’s got. I mean, he is single and I can think of no other way to attract a klassy lady. Of course, I already anticipate that we’ll get to see you up there, cause that’s just the kind of guy you are. Duh.

Either way, if there is a pole in your midst and you are feeling amorous, do me a favor? Bring the industrial size can of Lysol and the economy pack of Clorox wipes. I’m sure there is a Sams, Costco, Wal-Mart, SOMETHING where you can get these things.

I’ll even break down and buy a t-shirt if you promise me you will.

And to every one else hitting Honolulu for what is sure to be a fine couple of performances…. bring a video camera. Or else.

P.S. By the way, I got that ticket link for you guys. You can get your tickets right here. Note that the venue is not kid-friendly or dog friendly. Further proof that this place is probably a strip club.

P.P.S. This place has $3.50 martinis ALL DAY LONG! Couple of those and you’d see me on the pole as well. I kid, I kid. Sort of. I better take that t-shirt I’m buying and make me a pair of these, just in case.

P.P.P.S Of course, you should let us know in the comments if you are going so we can hate be jealous of you. As well as harass you for pictures and video later.