Well, well, well. Here we are. The day of your birth. It occurred to me the other day that your birthday was coming up and since we are your #1 fans, clearly, we needed to highlight this momentous occasion. I mean, you’re 25. A QUARTER of a century. HELLO. This is huge (twss) and as such we needed to acknowledge it with class and dignity. And by class and dignity, I mean waiting until midday to
write post this and shower you with gifts.
In an effort to make this the best.birthday.post.EVER, I went through the archives to see what we’ve given you in years past– cause you know, gifts are like dresses, you can’t roll out the same ones twice. But to my horror (!) I realized that we have NEVER given you gifts. UH, WTF?! How could this have happened? We’ve given gifts to this guy. Twice. And even this guy but never you.
Basically, we’ve failed you. But don’t you worry your pretty little head with all that awesome hair that one day I will find the guts to touch. I think we’ve MORE than made up for it this year. Check it:
For you, on approximately 9 months after your mom and dad had too much to drink and made it Business Time:
1. A selection of earrings for the one that walked out on you:
Although, personally, I would ditch the earring and go with the more modern
and sexier gauge look. Look how amazing it would look:
AND….you could do this with it too:
Never lose a cigarette again! A WIN-WIN my friend.
2. A copy of Rosetta Stone Spanish. No really. Just a copy. You know what that software costs? But no worries, I will totes photoshop you a legit looking label AND box.
3. Your very own PERSONALIZED Manchester United jersey. I can’t afford the full kit if I’m gonna personalize it, yanno? But all you need is the jersey, obviously:
Well, we all know I’ve got major love for you. I mean it. The love runs deeps. I don’t just get drunk and randomly touch the hair of any ol’ guy. Oh no, that’s all saved for you. BUT… I am lazy. And since LiLi clearly went through all this effort to pick out all of these AMAZING gifts for you (and duh, she is the woman in our non-sexual life partnership so of course she nailed it), I decided not screw this birthday up with my lameness. So, I will just virtually “sign the card”. Like this…
Okay, the guilt is setting in. FINE! I won’t be a total sloth. I took this awesome picture to wish you a happy b-day (and make you feel old).
OH, and not to forget the most awesome part of your gifts…
In honor of your day of birth, we also decided to get together with a couple of our readers and put together a little photo collage of us sending you little messages. In our minds, there were going to be 30-40 photos and it was going to be AH-MAZING! But in the real world, we got 4. But hey, these are 4 VERY dedicated fans, so you should just love us through the good idea and what it could have been.
So I think I speak for us all when we say…